thoughts from the rambler

“we just want you to be happy, megan.”
this is something i hear quite often;
for as long as i can remember, my parents have
shared with me and emphasized the importance of being happy. 
or rather, of making myself happy.
i have to admit, 
after graduating from college, and even towards the end 
of my college career, i was not happy.
i was sad, disappointed with myself, and constantly anxious. 
anxious about my future.
unsure of myself as a person.
nervous about the decisions i was preparing to make.
with a great deal of support, however, 
i pushed through those years. 
i contemplated going back to school (numerous times),
tried working a variety of jobs.
created new friendships, and said goodbye to some, too.
dated several people.
and experienced what felt like an emotional pendulum – 
swinging back and forth, back and forth. 
i am not sure what changed exactly.
i cannot pinpoint a particular moment in time,
choice that was made,
or experience that took place.
perhaps it is a culmination of things –
but something changed for the better.
i finally feel content.
i feel happy with where i am in my life right now.
i can confidently say i am proud of myself. that is big. 
proud of my accomplishments.
proud of the person i am becoming 
(though that will likely continue to change (ever so slightly)).
proud of the decisions i have made. 
mom and dad, i can wholeheartedly say, “i am happy.”
i know i will to have good days and bad days, too.
i will surely call you crying 
and continue to need your support, faith in me, and reassurance.
you will have to remind me to strive for happiness. 
when i get lost (which i will), 
and when i make a mistake (and i will make many),
please remind me that i can find that stability, 
and that happiness again. 
that’s all.

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